Celebrity Gossip by Derek Hail » Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise May Be A Joke, But Can’t Take One

thebrokenfarted — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:40:46 +0000

While domestic abuse isn’t selling at the moment, sex addiction may go soaring…that’s if Tom Cruise’s lawyer doesn’t get in the way.

Tom Cruise is ticked off because a t-shirt company is allegedly planning to use his image on a shmatah that will say “sex addict” on the front and “everything turns me on” on the back.

We’ve obtained a letter sent by Aaron Moss, Cruise’s lawyer, to Addictiontee.com, threatening to sue the pants off the t-shirt company if it goes forward with the product, calling it false advertising and consumer fraud.

For those wetting their panties over the thought of purchasing another witty tee to add to their extensive “I wear funny shirts to make up for my lack of in-person humor” wardrobe, there is a plan B.

A spokesman for the t-shirt company says the shirt is in production. And the company is acting none too scared, adding, “We’re going into production of a t-shirt inspired by Cruise’s attorney with the words ‘legal addict’ on the front and ‘I sue everybody’ on the back.”

It looks like life (and money) always finds a way. Take that legal loophole!

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Tom Cruise’s Daughter is the “Hottest Tot”

thebrokenfarted — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:00:35 +0000

Kids are our future, kids are important, and when you’re the seed of crazy man Tom Cruise and his love slave Katie Holmes, be expected to be one of the most publicized celebrity children.

The 2-year-old daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes tops Forbes.com‘s second annual list of “Hollywood‘s 10 Hottest Tots.”

Forbes.com, which ranked celebrity children 5 years old and younger based on media attention and their parents’ popularity, said Suri — known for her stylish outfits and haircut — popped up in more news articles and blogs than her peers.

Of course, her popularity is fueled by the same curiosity an 86 year-old of your community’s neighbor hood watch lives off of. Will she share the same destiny as her father, or will it be revealed that she was sent from another planet that was destroyed shortly after she was cryogenically frozen and ejected into outer space? Stay tuned!

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Tom Cruise Settles Score with Television Host

thebrokenfarted — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 05:00:22 +0000

Tom Cruise bestowed Friars Club with his presence to roast the Today Show show host Matt Lauer. From what I make of it, wierdoes like him have the worse sense of intentional humor.

The superstar… launched into a slide show of PhotoShopped pics of him and Matt jet skiing, barbecuing and sitting together on the couch.

“When we can’t get together, we’ll talk on the phone two, three, four times a day and say, ‘Matt are you watching this?’ And he’ll say, ‘yeah.’ And we’ll sit there.”

“In front of all these people, I just want you to know I can’t believe I flew all the way out here… Now lose my number, you glib putz.”

For his performance, I’m willing to give him a point or two. I mean, when dealing with public speaking, and a bunch of old gents, people will laugh at anything. And what did Matt Lauer have to say about all of this?

In rebuttal to Tom’s roasting, after the Oscar nominee exited, Matt said, “Come on, Tom… Stay. We can get a booster seat!” And when he realized Tom wasn’t returning, he added, “Oh, guess his spaceship has to leave.”

Tom: 2. Lauer: 100. The Cruise fails yet to realize wherever he goes, he’s a walking punchline.

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The Morning Quickie

Derek Hail — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 11:05:23 +0000

Jason Beghe is “Clear”

Derek Hail — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:23:26 +0000

I have no idea who Jason Beghe is, apparently he was on CSI and Cane, but since those shows suck I don’t recognize them. Recently he shot a video where he completely slams Scientology. He was following the religion for 13 years and finally realized it’s a complete scam. In the video he slams the not only the way you have to pay for everything, but the A-List followers who are completely oblivious and make themselves believe they are happy (AHEM Paging Mr Cruise). Sounds believable to me.

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Derek Hail — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:14:22 +0000

A recent video of an interview with Tom Cruise has “leaked” on the internet and it’s making the Scientology people a little squeamish.

In the bizarre clip (complete with eerie “Mission: Impossible” music), Tom goes on and on about how Scientologists are the “authorities on the mind,” and utters inside Scientology lingo — like “SPs” and “KSW” — code the Church probably doesn’t want non-members to hear.

I don’t know how a taped interview could be “leaked”. If you sit down for an interview, you have to know people are going to see it. There is something going on though because as soon as I tried to post the YouTube video of the interview, it was taken down mysteriously. Dun Dun Dun!

Tom Cruise Likes His Man in a Suit

Derek Hail — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 11:02:46 +0000

Katie Holmes has recently admitted that Tom Cruise loves it when she wears a suit. According to FF,

Katie said: “Tom likes me in a suit and a mini every now and then. I like it when he likes it. It makes me blush!

“He’ll say, ‘You look good. I hope security is going with you.’ Now that gives me attitude.”

Of course he loves it. Katie Holmes already looks like a boy and when she wears a suit, all of Tom Cruise’s dreams come true.

Tom Cruise Plans for Another Girl

Derek Hail — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 16:04:24 +0000

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes may add one more child to their emerging clan and rumor has it they want a girl. According to OK!,

“It’s something they want to do sooner rather than later,” a source from Tom’s Berlin Rubicon set tells OK!. “Suri has been such a joy for Tom, so he’d be more than happy to have another girl. Katie feels the same.”

Over at the Cruise/Holmes household gender lines tend to merge in one way or another. As pictured, Katie Holmes is the man. In the privacy of their home, Tom Cruise is definitely the woman. Whatever the gender of their new child won’t matter. There will always be time to become a queen in the future.