Suri Cruise was caught flaring her fangs at David Beckham‘s first game as an L.A. Galaxy team member. This adorable little girl either needs a diaper change or a rabies shot. However, Katie Holmes doesn’t seem to be phased by her daughter’s ferocity.

After the Vanity Fair photo shoot, Suri Cruise has rarely been spotted in public, which shouldn’t come as a surprise considering she was hidden away for several months after her birth before anyone saw her. However, as the Chronicle reports, other celebrities have taken their children out to play in the sunlight.

Most families, even famous ones, can be seen frolicking in playgrounds with their children. Brooke Shields has become a familiar face on the L.A. park scene.  Her children enjoy easygoing public lives that are a stark contrast to that of Suri Cruise even though Suri was born on the same day (April 18) and in the same L.A. hospital as Brooke’s little Grier, reports the mag.

Unfortunately, Brook Shields may be a terrible example considering a picture of her eating a banana would only sell for 75 cents, whereas if Tom Cruise was sucking on a banana, it would go for $75,000. But if paparazzi pictures weren’t Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’s deterrent, it could be because the world is dangerous. Real dangerous. According to the Chronicle,

“That child is growing up inside a bubble,” says a source. “I think both dad [Tom Cruise] and Katie are so worried that if Suri is exposed to the public, her life could be in danger.”

Could you blame Tom Cruise? I’m told the bad guys use special teleportation devices to steal children who are outside or seen through a window. This is why I suggest living in a basement, in a small closet (no, this isn’t a reference for Tom Cruise’s sexuality, it is just safer there because monsters are only outside).

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are finally getting married and set a date for November 18th. After much speculation over the last few months, they have decided to make sure Suri Cruise was no longer a bastard. According to People,

The actor told Good Housekeeping in June that he and Holmes had waited to wed until after Suri was born because they wanted their daughter to be at the ceremony.

Like Suri is going to remember, care about the wedding. The baby will be too busy either crying or spitting up baby formula to watch Katie and Tom exchange triangular rings on a crazy stone claw alter with a picture of L.Ron giving a thumbs up.

• Reese Witherspoon is shopping in LA [Bricks and Stones]
• Matthew McConaughey has a dirty little secret [City Rag]
• Kevin Federline most likely bumbled like an idiot on Ellen yesterday [Dlisted]
• Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz are back together? [Hollyscoop]
• A more complete Suri Cruise photo collection [Smart]
• Pamela Anderson is still hot [ICYDK]
• Natalie Portman is nicer than you. [Im Not Obsessed]

Putting aside the fact that Suri Cruise looks like a little boy who got into a fight with some black hair dye and baby powder, Tom Cruise keeps her nestled in his jacket as if he were a Kangaroo. I am beginning to understand the changes…

[tags]Tom Cruise, Suri Cruise, Katie Holmes[/tags]

Vanity Fair, after reporting a decline in advertising pages by 15% and an increase in circulatiion by 7% late last month, hoisted their publisher off his helm because of his inability to capitalize off the increase in circulation. The new publisher has decided to attract advertising dollars by allowing Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to showcase a baby called Suri Cruise (I distinctly said a baby because I don’t believe it’s theirs).

What is this new publisher thinking? Your readers hated you for putting Paris Hilton on the cover because of her controversial nature and now you’re putting one of the most controversial relationship and celebrity’s baby as a highlight? Sure everyone would love to see the pictures, but if this child isn’t solving complex discrete math, curing cancer, and blowing up the Galactic Confederacy, everyone is going to be let down. I personally won’t buy this new Vanity Fair issue to buy something much more important and entertaining. A ball of yarn. [source]

I personally don’t see aids and cancer patients lining up to be cured or Xenu running around trying to save the Galactic Confederacy. I’m disappointed. [picture source: ONTD]

[tags]Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise, Suri Cruise[/tags]

According to media reports, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes refused to sell photos of Suri Cruise because they weren’t as valuable as Shiloh Jolie-Pitt photos. Their largest offer for photos was for 3 million dollars whereas People reportedly paid 4 million for Shiloh.

A magazine expert tells Friedman now that the baby is nearly three months old, her price will only go down, adding, “Shiloh was the whole deal. We won’t see a baby like that again for a while.”

Tom Cruise is suffering some real ego blows lately. His movie isn’t grossing nearly as much as he liked and his baby isn’t worth as much as the product of the Pitt-Jolie enterprise. Could Tom Cruise be falling off the A-list and soon to be placed alongside Kate Hudson in low-budget films? Probably not – I’m sure for his next batch of movies he will launch a better publicity campaign. I think it will go someting like this… unveiling his possible alien two headed daughter, professing his love for Christianity, and finally admitting he is gay. However, I could be totally wrong. [source]

Tom Cruise had to visit Tokyo, Japan to promote his release of Mission Impossible 3. However, Tom was alone in Tokyo and when he was asked about his Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes, he responded,

“Unfortunately, I wanted to bring them but Suri, it’d be too much for her, we’re only going to be here for a day and a half,” Cruise said about their absence. Of the major celebrity babies, Suri is the only one yet to be seen, so even in Japan the media attention is definitely high. [source]

This leads me to 5 possible reasons why Suri has not been shown in public:

1. Suri doesn’t exist – This is a popular belief, however, Tom would have to be out of his mind if he thought he was going to get away with it. I would hope he was smarter than that.
2. Suri exists, but Tom really does care – It is possible, that Suri does live and Tom just doesn’t want to expose her to the media yet becacuse of possible traumatic effects. However, I doubt he would do this because Tom loves attention and he would use that baby to achieve it.
3. Suri exists, but Tom is waiting until next movie – This is quite possible. He might try and keep Suri a secret until his next movie release so he could release it to help his ticket sales after his terrible opening weekend for Mission Impossible 3.
4. Suri is UGLY – The baby may be extremely ugly. Almost too ugly to be brought in public because of its alien like features.
5. Suri doesn’t exist, waiting for surrogate – This is the one I personally believe. I never believed Katie Holmes was pregnant to begin with.

How about you? Which rumor do you think is true? [tags]Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise, Suri Cruise[/tags]