Sophie Monk was spotted keeping herself informed with the latest round of tabloids. Maybe she was checking to see if she made it in any of them herself this week.

You’d think she’d have a publicist for that, but she hasn’t done much in the United States. She did an episode of Entourage in 2007. A couple of straight-to-DVD movies, The Hills Run Red and Life Blood. And I wonder if these three are pornos: The Legend of Awesomest Maximus, Hard Breakers, and Spring Break ’83?

Well, everybody’s gotta eat, and since the rich old geezer Sophie was engaged to bailed at the last minute (I’m guessing over an argument about whether or not there would be a prenup, but who knows?), she’s gotta work.

Photos by FAME

Wonder why Sophie Monk has such a long face? I mean, this chick has a career without doing a damn thing, as far as I can tell.

Except look hot.

Maybe that’s why Sophie’s so down: she had to get her tan sprayed on. But I think she cheated herself: she should’ve gotten the tan all over, not just those legs. Tan tits are never a bad thing.

Perhaps Sophie didn’t do that because she didn’t want to offend our sensibilities by taking off her top in public. If that’s the case, then Sophie, allow me to make this clear:

taking off your top in public, and showing off what I’m sure are a pair of fantastic tits, is NEVER a bad thing. NEVER EVER.

Photos by Fame Pictures

Chicks. Gotta love’em. Sophie Monk covers up that rack of hers, but she doesn’t leave us completely hanging while she’s out pumping gas: she shows off those amazing legs of hers. Those are enough to get a lot of guys pumping. Can you imagine pulling up to get some gas and running into a chick who looked like this?

I need to get gas more often.

Photos by Fame Pictures

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I like Sophie Monk but her attempt to be sexy has failed here, mostly because you can see her hairy bush through her saggy bikini bottoms.  Or at least I think you can.  I wouldn’t know what one looks like, most of the women I date have grooming habits that aren’t from the 1800′s.

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Here’s a riddle for you. What is thin, blonde, and loves to go to the gym every day yet her ass looks like a 10 pounds of pudding in a small sock? If you guessed Sophie Monk than you deserve a prize. Too bad you won’t get one hanging around here.

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Why does Sophie Monk always look like she just ran through a slip-n-slide filled with Olive Oil? Sometimes it looks ok, like if she’s naked, which apparently Sophie has no problem with.

The blonde beauty stars alongside Winona Ryder and fellow Aussie Simon Baker in the upcoming “Sex and Death 101,” and according to director Daniel Waters, she had no hang-ups whatsoever when filming full-on nude scenes.

“I cast Americans and they’re always like, ‘Yeah, we like sex,’ but then they start to question everything, so I like casting Australians because they like going naked,” he told Tarts.

“Sophie had no hang-ups at all. She was more worried about her air-hockey abilities than going nude, which is very rare for an actress. Australians are much more open and don’t get embarrassed — in fact, they are impossible to embarrass.”

So Sophie is greasy, loves to be naked, and enjoys a great game of table hockey? Benji Madden left her for a walking case of Herpes? That just doesn’t add up.

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Page Six reports that Sophie Monk isn’t torn up that her ex is now with Paris Hilton.

SOPHIE Monk isn’t crying over her bust-up with her ex-fiancé, Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden. The Aussie actress hosted a party the other night during Los Angeles fashion week for Bobi clothing, looking hot in a skintight black dress. “She wasn’t sobbing in the corner,” said our spy, who spotted Monk at the Whiskey Blue LA. “She was out there dancing and partying and having a blast.” Meanwhile, Madden has been getting serious with heir-head Paris Hilton.

I’m not sure why someone would trade Sophie Monk for a Herpes infested Paris Hilton.  Granted Sophie sometimes looks a little worn out but I’d take her over Paris Hilton any day.  Even if she does walk out of her house with clothes she just pulled out of the dirty hamper.  Get it together Sophie.

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There’s something about Sophie Monk that just gets me riled up. Her face is a little odd, but her body is smoking. I don’t know if maybe I’m biased because I like blondes with fake boobs, or she really isn’t that hot. I’m not scientist, but I think anyone who can put on as awful a performance as the one below and still manage to be incredibly sexy, is technically the hottest woman in the world.

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