Jessica Simpson and Orlando Bloom were spotted arriving at the same party at the same time. As someone peering in from the outside, I’d expect them to be an item, but I always thought Orlando Bloom was gay. So it can’t be true. However, according to OK!, a friend said,

“Jessica and Orlando are trying to keep their relationship on the down low,” the source says. “It’s all new to them and they’re still just feeling their ways but they are definitely an item.”

Okay. Orlando Bloom probably has slept with more women than most men could imagine, but just because he let a girl touch his bean bag doesn’t mean he’s not gay. As a matter of fact, I think it would make him more gay because I’m pretty sure he was thinking of a man. Or well, it doesn’t matter what he was thinking  because early this morning he was involved in a pretty bad car crash. According to TMZ,

LAPD tells us that one of Bloom’s passengers suffered a fractured neck and the other was cut by her seat belt.

In video taken immediately following this morning’s accident, Bloom can be seen walking away from the scene, leaving two women — one injured and bleeding — in his smashed-up ride. Nice guy!

As a first reaction, you’d assume Orlando Bloom was drunk, but that is apparently not the case. Even though a BAC test wasn’t administered at the scene of the accident, it was given a little while later and it concluded that Orlando was neither drunk nor high. But at least he was able to show off what a knight in shining armor looks like after he left two girls for dead. What a guy!

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Orlando Bloom does what he wants. While most people turn their cell phones off during the taking off of a plane, Orlando has important phone calls to make. Despite being repeatedly asked to turn off his phone, he kept chatting. According to the Chronicle, a bystander said,

“He had to be told on two occasions by cabin crew to turn off his mobile phone as the aircraft prepared for take-off.”

What a fucking bad ass. Don’t mess with Orlando. He pees with the seat down, throws the garbage NEXT to the garbage can, and clicks that little red button even though he’s told not to. Lets put aside the fact its dangerous to interfere with the taking off and landing of a plane because Orlando Bloom had an important phone call. La dee da. Back to reality for a second, what if the plane crashed? Would that have made Orlando a terrorist?

Orlando Bloom, a supposed regulation “hearththrob,” will always remain a closet homosexual to me. Whether or not it is true does not mean anything because I’m entitled to my opinion and today, after reading People Magazine’s interview with Orlando, it just reinforced my belief.

Your costar Zoë Saldaña tells us that kissing you was ‘gross.’ How could she?
I hated kissing Zoë too! I was like, “Take your tongue out of my mouth, please. Your boyfriend is standing right there.” Most people think kissing beautiful costars must be great. But it’s always awkward, man.

He obviously, in my eyes, would rather be kissing Zoë Saldaña’s boyfriend. Or, after seeing Kate Bosworth’s boney chest, prefers women shaped like twelve year old boys. However, I could be wrong.