If Madonna tumbles, then everyone’s going down with her–including the horse she rode on over the weekend.  Suffering minor injuries, Madonna’s gang is bent on pushing the blame to a pap that ninja-d their way into the bushes and jumped out–startling her horse.  The question is, do we believe her?

The Southampton Town police report says only that the pop superstar “was a victim of a fall from a horse” Saturday and was taken to Southampton Hospital with “unknown injuries.” It’s unclear whether she told police anything about the circumstances surrounding the accident.

Photographer Thomas Hinton has said Madonna’s host, Steven Klein, was the only photographer around when the singer fell. Hinton said he made pictures of Madonna from a public road before and after the accident but wasn’t there when she fell.

I’m sure for most, it’s really hard to believe this story.  This old lady has frequent flyer miles when it comes to falling off horses.  Hell, she blamed the key turning point in her previous marriage around her falling off a horse and his complete apathy of the whole affair.  I would too; after watching her stumble with horses numerous times, not doing anything at all seems like the easiest thing to do besides screaming “YOU SUCK AT RIDING HORSES, SO DON’T RIDE THEM!” at her.

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It looks like Malawi won’t be filling the quota anymore for Madonna’s living Precious Moments collection.  At a, what she herself might consider “paltry”, eight children– the Malawian court ruled against her second adoption from the country.

Judge Esmie Chondo’s ruling addressed widespread concerns that by facilitating international adoptions, Malawi’s courts could inadertently expose the nation’s children to the threat of human traffickers.

“I must confess that there’s a gripping temptation to throw caution to the wind and grant an adoption in the hope that there will be a difference in the life of just one child,” she said.

“I must have to decline to grant the application to Madonna,” Chondo said.

Sorry Madonna, it doesn’t look like you could charm your way out of this one.  Doesn’t look like there are many young, beautiful boys in the courts of Mawali.  There’s always Korea!

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Madonna always makes her way into the spotlight and, somehow, at the top of everyone’s list, so being on PETA’s “Worst Dressed List” doesn’t sound too out of the ordinary.  I just have to say for people who are promoting peace between man and animal, they sure do know how to lay down the hurt.

On it’s official website, the organization writes, “When you see Madonna in fur, you realize why nobody has copied her style since 1984. We know that she’s on the prowl for a young cub, but someone needs to tell Madge that wearing fur doesn’t make you a cougar.”

Another slew of celebrities in their line up were Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen:

“Since fur adds 20 years and 20 pounds, maybe Mary Kate and Ashley think their matronly wardrobe will deflect the gossip about bulemia. Somewhere, someone is missing a matching pair of Bigfoot bobble head dolls.”

Somehow, I don’t think PETA ever wants these people on their side.  It gives me an awful taste in my mouth like a jock actively participating in their high school chess club.

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While we can’t turn back the clock, may people are trying to in regards with Madonna.  An old 30 year old photo of the singing idol in the nude is going up for auction.  I only wonder why it hasn’t been floating around on the internet all this time…

The full frontal image was taken by Lee Friedlander and appeared in Playboy in 1985.

Matthieu Humery (mah-TYOO’ OO’-meh-ree), head of Christie’s photography department, says Madonna was a 20-year-old dancer trying to make ends meet when she answered Friedlander’s newspaper ad seeking a nude model in 1979.

He says six photos from the shoot were sold to Playboy and the one up for auction Feb. 12 is “maybe the most explicit one.”

What’s scary is that Madonna made a whole horse and pony show out of someone giving out her wedding pictures, but if it is a picture of her in her bathing suit?  “Have fun boys,” sounds like something she’d say.

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When most people hide their age behind tons of make-up and other beauty products, leave it up to Madonna to break out of the norm by lifting weights and completely dodging touch-ups entirely by appearing in a black and white photo shoot in the Brazillian edition of Vogue.  Do you think she’s trying to lure her next unsuspecting international victom to her black widow like grasp through enticing you with (slightly terrifying) pictures?  Perhaps.

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While the news of Madonna’s divorce travelled faster than a bad check, the leakage of their wedding photos tooks their time.  After a newspaper got hold of the very private wedding album of the once couple, Madonna is now rolling in around an additional $7 million for the invasion of privacy.

 

No pictures of the event had been published until they appeared Oct. 19 in the Mail on Sunday, said Matthew Nicklin, a lawyer representing Madonna. 

Nicklin said the only photographs of the wedding were taken by photographer Jean-Baptiste Mondino and presented to Madonna as a gift. He said Madonna put the photographs in an album that she kept in her home.

He said an interior designer, Robert Joseph Wilber, “surreptitiously gained access to the photograph album and copied at least 26 photographs.”

 

What is the best way to celebrate such an occassion?  If you’re Madonna, more than likely it’s somewhere along the lines of burning the album and all the newspapers with the photos she can find with a blow torch.

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Madonna and Guy Ritchie, despite Madonna’s claims divorce wasn’t underway after the whole A-Rod scandal, are getting a divorce.  Surprisingly, Madonna didn’t use her huge biceps to finish him.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie have agreed to divorce after seven and a half years of marriage,” Madonna’s spokeswoman said on Wednesday.

He [Guy Ritchie] sees his superstar spouse as a “dead weight around his neck” and now wants a divorce to be agreed quickly, the source was quoted as saying.

These two would continue to make the headlines if Madonna was like “Hell, I might as well go for A-Rod,” and to spite his former wife, Guy laid some of his smooth moves on A-Rod’s ex-wife.  Talk about a tabloid Thanksgiving!  In the meantime, Madonna is going to be doings splits and cartwheels (to my dismay) on her tour until that cougar gets her another victim.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Don’t do it! Don’t look! For the love of God someone tell Madonna to close her legs! If you stare closely between the gray wrinkly shanks lodged inbetween, I promise you that you will glimpse images of the impending apocalypse. In addition to this, someone needs to tell her those veiny arms she’s been using to jerk off her husband ain’t cute.

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