Does anyone ever wonder why America Idol’s only true successful winner is always seen going solo?  Could she possibly be hopping aboard the Clay Aiken train and prefers same sex relationships?  “NO,” booms the loud screachy voice that belongs to the singer.

“I get that all the time,” she tells PopEater.com of the gay gossip. “People are like, ‘Are you secretly a lesbian? Because I’d really love it.’ Lesbians tell it to me all the time. I’m like, ‘I’m glad it works for you and I wish I liked women like that because oftentimes men are very hard for me, but I happen to like boys.’”

“I would never want to date [someone like] myself, ever. I’m a crazy person,” she admits.

I suppose in a gay relationship she wouldn’t feel as important.  It’s kind of useless having a great gift from the heavens like a huge gaping orafice occupying your face and not being able to use it all and any way possible.  It’s understandable.

Related Articles

Kelly Clarkson IS Grosser Than You Can Imagine
Kelly Clarkson Went Topless and is Fat
Kelly Clarkson NEEDS Paris Press
More Kelly Clarkson

In possibly the worst news you can think of, Kelly Clarkson likes to walk around in the nude.

According to a close source who spoke to Us Weekly, the Grammy-winning pop star enjoys walking around her home in the buff, no matter the circumstances. That would include not just when close friends are around, but even when her home is “filled with strangers for photo shoots or fittings,” reports the magazine.

Kelly Clarkson walking around naked should be reported as an act of terrorism.  I would rather have someone violently kick me in the balls than walk in on that behemoth naked.  I can’t imagine how her “friends” don’t ask her to put some clothes on.  Unless her friends are big game hunters.  If that’s the case, they probably feel right at home.

Related Articles:
Kelly needs better press
Looking hot is for chumps
More Kelly Clarkson Pictures

I applaud Kelly Clarkson. She’s not one to doll herself up and waste time picking out the perfect outfit for the cameras or television. Why do that when you can spend more time at the All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet? Why wear makeup when you can just roll out of bed, put on a stupid hat, and look like you spent last night throwing up? She’s even got the perfect “Eh, I’m a chunky pale chick. Wanna do it while I eat another bucket of chicken?” smile down. You’re a pro Kelly. A Pro.

More of Kelly’s Stunning Beauty:
Kelly went topless
Kelly Clarkson was Bulimic
Kelly hires a chef
More Kelly Clarkson

Before you get all excited, relax.  It’s Kelly Clarkson.  The words “topless”, “Kelly Clarkson”, and “hot” have never and probably will never be found in the same sentence…except that one.

Kelly Clarkson tore her vest off during a drunken strip at a rock concert in Hollywood. The “Since You’ve Been Gone” singer reportedly sank a bottle of liquor with Ryan Key – the singer of the band Yellowcard – at the Metal Skool concert at the Key Club before jumping up on stage.

A shocked onlooker told the New York Post, “She ended up tearing off her vest and throwing it into the crowd before playing a lot of air guitar.”

Gross.  Who wears vest anymore anyway?  What is she an usher at a 1950′s movie theater?  Oh and by the way,  she’s still fat.

Meanwhile, Kelly, 25, has been ordered to slim down if she wants to front a new healthy drinks campaign.

Kelly has been put on a strict all-organic diet and has even hired a professional chef to prepare all her meals while on her “Addicted” tour.

This is like the fourth time she’s been put on a “strict” diet and hired a chef.  This chick is a cow and loves to eat hot dogs and small herds of cows.  That’s just the way it is.  Companies should stop paying her expecting her to stay good looking, because we all know she takes her endorsement money and rents out the Sizzler for an hour.  You can really stuff that buffet down if there’s no one else in the place.

Related Articles:
Kelly Clarkson was Bulimic
Kelly needs better press
More Kelly Clarkson

I used these pics because when they are together they are at their worst.

Kelly Clarkson must be really desperate to sell records in order to have Paris Hilton help her with press. The two were spotted at a restaurant called Koi. Paris Hilton generated a lightning storm of paparazzi while Clarkson generated the equivalent to rubbing your socks on a carpet.

So what can be taken from this recent event? Maybe as a return favor, Kelly will help Paris write a song. Perhaps a follow up to “the stars are blind,” something along the well thought out lines of “the moon is deaf.” Other suggestions include: “the sun is crippled” and “the earth keeps shitting on the rug.”

Post by OverAdulthood: Humor News Done.

Kelly Clarkson said she was bulimic in high school because she was passed up for a part in her high school musical. According to US Magazine, she told Cosmogirl,

“I thought…If I came back and I’m cuter and thinner…then I’ll get the role.”

“One of my guy friends caught on to it, and I just felt so ashamed and embarassed,” she tells the mag. “I literally went cold turkey and snapped out of it.”

How cute. High school girls always blame everything on their appearance. “If only I were more popular, pretty, or skinny…” Thats right. You’d be more popular, pretty, and skinny, but most likely still stupid. So, take some notes and snap the hell out of it.

Related (possibly older) Articles: 
Kelly Clarkson hires a personal chef
Kelly Clarkson dislikes “Because of You”

Kelly Clarkson hired a personal chef to travel with her while she is on tour because she has a hard time managing her weight while she is traveling. Kelliy explains,

“I’m the kind (of girl) that can fluctuate; I’ll gain 10 (pounds) or lose 10 (pounds), but I’m five (foot) three (inches) so that makes a big difference.”

“I have a cook. I have to have a cook; we travel so much and my digestive system just can’t handle it.”

Fluctuating is an understatement. However, even when she fluctuates she is still gorgeous unlike some of her other female singer counterparts like Mariah Carey or Janet Jackson. Their weight rises just like my desire to become sick rises when I have to look at them.

]]> http://www.derekhail.com/2006/06/13/kelly-clarkson-hires-personal-chef/feed/ 4 http://www.derekhail.com/2006/05/18/kelly-clarkson-dislikes-because-of-you/ http://www.derekhail.com/2006/05/18/kelly-clarkson-dislikes-because-of-you/#comments Thu, 18 May 2006 17:13:56 +0000 Derek Hail http://www.derekhail.com/2006/05/18/kelly-clarkson-dislikes-because-of-you/

Kelly Clarkson does not like singing her hit song, ‘Because of You,’ because it is too personal, but she said,

There’s nothing more comforting than knowing somebody else is in your shoes and you see that they’ve got past it and it’s inspiring.The song has affected people, and not even in the way it was intended. I wrote it about my family growing up but people relate to it if they were abused or in a relationship that went sour.

I have always liked Kelly Clarkson. I never watched her on American Idol, but, after she did become a hit, I always found her extremely attractive; she has the girl next door look. Especially when she is eating a hot dog, but that is old news. In the mean time, Kelly needs to break into the media more often, her life is too private and uninteresting right now.
Source [tags]Kelly Clarkson, News, Entertainment[/tags]