For those of you on the borderline to being gay for Zac Efron, could I possible entice you with his long lost cousin Katie Holmes?  All of the feminine manly charms that you see in him parallels this little gem who has taken all that Tom Cruise knows (including clothes) and has continued to make us question what’s going on under that hood of hers.

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It’s always good to see a beautiful Katie Holmes somewhere without a spoiled toddler or lunatic husband in her arms.  While I can’t say Glamour magazine exposed a bit of her more ranchier side, I can dig it.

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Katie Holme’s official Broadway debut Thursday night in Arthur Miller’s “All My Sons” has made some critics impressed, but mostly because she was expected to fail miserably–especially after the first few days the only friend on their promotional myspace page was Tom–no, not even Tom Cruise.

USA TODAY: “At best, she exhibits a girlish exuberance that could serve her well in certain stage roles, provided she finds a director who can ease her obvious self-consciousness and get her to focus on the often-intricate process of character development.” But as her character’s “experience evolves and her emotions shift, Holmes’ tone doesn’t. Her initial poise begins to seem strained and her relentlessly energetic line readings strangely flat — even when she screams them out, as she does quite jarringly at one point.”

So it sounds like the lifespan on this show might run a little short due to the effect Scientology might have on her acting.  Except for those couple of Anonymous guys that have sworn to “Free Katie” from the clutches of that particular Evil, the same reason people are flocking to the show now just to see Katie go, are going to be the ones to run away in horror come next week.  But then again, “Batman Begins” carried on despite Katie’s same horrible acting…

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Katie Holmes showed up at the Hollywood Premiere of Tropic Thunder, and as she proceeded down the red carpet, it was almost as if a thousand weeping violins played the chorus to a thousand men’s deflating shaft. As if the haunting of her last scuff with the demon barber wasn’t enough, something told her to promote those emo fashion students in training at You’re Going Nowhere Community College. Seriously, what she’s wearing looks like she found it in the discount pile at Jo Ann’s Fabrics and said, “Okay, I can work with this.” She would have been better off if she showed up covered in barbecue sauce… at least then she could say she’s got some taste.

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Katie Holmes has recently admitted that Tom Cruise loves it when she wears a suit. According to FF,

Katie said: “Tom likes me in a suit and a mini every now and then. I like it when he likes it. It makes me blush!

“He’ll say, ‘You look good. I hope security is going with you.’ Now that gives me attitude.”

Of course he loves it. Katie Holmes already looks like a boy and when she wears a suit, all of Tom Cruise’s dreams come true.

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Katie Holmes has designed her family’s Christmas card in hopes of making Christmas a “classy affair” for the Cruise-Holmes family. According to Female First,

The card bears the message, “Happy holidays and best wishes for a joyous new year. Love Tom, Kate, Bella, Connor and Suri” in a brown sweeping font…

Katie has kept her staff busy doing the shopping. She’s already bought so much for Suri, but keeps saying she has even more to buy!

“She is determined to make Christmas a classy affair, and even has a different gift-wrap design for her family, friends and business associates.”

WOW… I mean… All I have to say is WOW. How did Katie Holmes pull this off. I didn’t even know Katie Holmes was allowed to communicate with family and friends. I thought she’d be tied up in a basement inspecting baby’s bottles for traces of Xenu, but it appears Tom Cruise has made strides as a human being.

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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes may add one more child to their emerging clan and rumor has it they want a girl. According to OK!,

“It’s something they want to do sooner rather than later,” a source from Tom’s Berlin Rubicon set tells OK!. “Suri has been such a joy for Tom, so he’d be more than happy to have another girl. Katie feels the same.”

Over at the Cruise/Holmes household gender lines tend to merge in one way or another. As pictured, Katie Holmes is the man. In the privacy of their home, Tom Cruise is definitely the woman. Whatever the gender of their new child won’t matter. There will always be time to become a queen in the future.

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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are allegedly planning to appear naked in a magazine photo shoot to show off the more sensual side of their relationship. According to Australia’s New Weekly magazine,

“They have already started planning some of the photos. One suggestion they were keen on was a shot of them posing together in the shower, dripping wet and covered by nothing but steam.”

“Tom and Katie really have amazing chemistry,” says the pal. “They want to show the world how much.”

In other news, my penis just murdered itself. It was a slaughter.

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