It looks like we all can’t have unlimited access to the May-Train, now can we?  A chick that has been been in the celebrity spotlight for supposedly being pretty close to John Mayer since his split from Jennifer Aniston turns out to just be full of garbage.

…In a rambling new interview with YoungHollywood.com, Marie asserts they’re still “hanging out” and that one of her favorite things about Mayer is when he texts her smiley faces.

Did they hang out at one point? Yes, but nothing serious ever came of it, the Mayer pal says.

…[the] source insists they weren’t even in contact when she spoke to the celeb weekly.

I don’t seem to mind her overly creative imagination at all when it comes to her obsessive nature with John Mayer.  If I was to follow her standards, then I have had many, brief interactions with hot celebrities.  For example, Heidi Klum has helped me with my loneliness many nights in sometimes nothing but a bra and panties– I think once or twice she even winked at me translates over into the real world as “I saw the latest Victoria’s Secret commercial.”  Her tactics sure do make you seem less like a loser, of course until someone figures you out.

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I can’t look away.  For some reason I can’t shake the possibility that what’s going to happen with Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer is going to be a beautiful car crash with pile ups, explosions and the like.  How could it, you ask? Jenn introduced John to her parents.

“Jen’s dad seemed very impressed with John and the two got on real well,” an onlooker tells Star.

Jen’s stepmom (who the Friend reportedly called “Mom”) was also there for the family fun, even cracking jokes when Mayer asked the table how he was doing. “Should we get our score cards out? Like on Dancing With the Stars?” she quipped. “Exactly. It feels like Dancing With the Stars,”  the rocker replied.

John Mayer is apparently signing a deal to host some variety show.  Don’t suppose that the opening act involves a little song, a dance, and then the ripping of Jenn’s heart from her chest?  He can’t be that cruel.  Maybe Jenn has a hot sister?

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John Mayer walked around in a Mr. Douchebag shirt which he cleverly replaced with the word “Badass”.  US Magazine cleverly reports that it was right after he made comments about Jennifer Aniston.

“Listen, this is not a scandal, this is not an issue, this is not a problem, this needs no spin control,” he said. “There are much worse problems in the world. Everything’s cool!”

He’s right.  Who gives a crap who Jennifer Aniston is boning?  She’s a wrinkly faced sour puss who is always pissed.  John got in and out, just what you’re supposed to do with a crazy woman like that.  Had he stayed a little longer she probably would have wanted him to help out with the dishes and stop playing Grand Theft Auto.  It’s my downtime and I’ll do whatever I want!

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Jonh Mayer recently went on a radio show and was asked what he thought about Perez Hilton.

He complained that the general public “are people who … couldn’t name me three songs off one record, but get onto a blog site and go to the comments and say, ‘Well, he was with that dog so-and-so. He probably smells like butt.’ You know, people try to like do the Perez Hilton syntax, and it’s terrible.”

He also said when Hilton got his own VH-1 reality show, “that was the moment when the Fourth War broke.”

He added, “I have never seen it, but that was the moment that the war broke, and we realized that these people don’t really hate celebrities, they just want to be actually in there.”

Perez Hilton looks like a gorilla who fell into a vat of hair dye.  Of course he wants to be famous, have you watched E lately?  It’s filled with blithering idiots who would give up their right leg to be in Brangelina’s posse.

John Mayer loves to unwind with a good ‘ol bottle of Xanax.

The Grammy winner says he has a supply of anti-anxiety drug Xanax with him at all times to combat any downward spirals. “There are these incidental kinds of loopholes in my brain, where the wires can cross for a second and the hard drive crashes,” he tells Best Life, adding that his first “anxiety bender” occurred when he was in his 20s. “You can create dark neighborhoods in your mind as easily as you can create rural wonderlands.”

A dark neighborhood?  What the hell is he talking about?  I guess you’re mind begins to break down once you realize you gave up your daily dose of Jessica Simpson motorboating.  Ya Blew It Mayer.

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First John Mayer was hooking up with Jessica Simpson, now he is with this chick. Her name’s Minka Kelly and in case you haven’t noticed, she’s smoking hot. What’s John Mayer’s appeal? He looks like a shaggy dog with down syndrome. I am very upset.

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“Madonna got there with her bus, which runs off trees and clouds.”

With the concert to raise awareness for global warming, Live Earth took off in over nine different countries. Artists traveled a combined 220,000 miles to reach the concerts while concert-goers left an impressive 1,000 tons of garbage. According to ABC News: Bob Geldof, the man behind the Live 8 charity concert had this to say:

Why is [Gore] actually organizing them? To make us aware of the greenhouse effect? Everybody’s known about that problem for years.

Well Bob, the 2008 election is coming up. Al Gore might run for President or he might just stage a military coup with his new found celebrity friends. I can see it now. Justin Timberlake: Head of Dance. John Mayer: Head of Worthlessness. Paris Hilton: Head of… head.

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