Uh, Jessica, I’m not a publicist or professional photographer or anything, but I don’t think a clear umbrella is going to do much of a job shielding you from the paparazzi. As you can see by the picture of above, you can still be seen through the clear umbrella. Because it’s, you know, CLEAR.

Just a tip. (Oh, and maybe you need new handlers who can figure these things out for you.)

Pictures by Bauer Griffin

Yes, I know it’s old news that Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson the night before her birthday. But when I came across these pictures I figured they were worth posting since Jessica’s on the market again.

Don’t be intimidated by the bling of her first wedding ring: Jessica’s probably seriously lowered her standards at this point. She’s got it where it counts (namely, her generously-sized girls).

Do you remember the hot Jessica Simpson before she became a country singer poser?  We all do, but it seems like Jessica herself remembers more.  Now that I’m almost certain she’s not going to be staring in Miley Cyrus’ next music video, it’s safe to erase most of those memories of her in plaid shirts, cowboy hats and guest appearing at chili cook-offs.  What’s next in line for the girl?  After a couple looks at her shoot in Vanity Fair, hopefully a more classier, sexy choice.

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Why so glum, Jessica?  Could it have anything to do with your bail out to country music being a complete flop?

A spokeswoman for the one-time pop princess says Simpson remains part of the Sony Music Group on the Epic label, but is no longer working with the company’s country division, Sony Music Nashville.

To date, the disc, Simpson’s fifth studio release, has sold around 178,000 copies — a long way from her 3 million-selling 2003 disc, “In This Skin.”

“Everywhere I saw her around the U.S. at different radio station events she was always well-received,” said Lon Helton, editor and publisher of the industry trade publication “Country Aircheck.” “For whatever reason, the music did not resonate.”

Could it be because of that whole chubby thing she had going on for a while, or quite possibly just the fact she was just a pop princess looking in to pool some money?  Quite simply, it could be her taste in fashion– including underwear.  We’ll let America decide.

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