Celebrity Gossip by Derek Hail » Jessica Biel

Jessica Biel is a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride

thebrokenfarted — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 11:00:12 +0000

It looks like Jessica Biel took time out of her busy schedule of making out in public places with boyfriend Justin Timberlake to attend former co-star Beverly Mitchell’s wedding. I have to say, when you’re planning a celebrity wedding, bridesmaid dresses look like they have to be a little more higher quality than the layman’s. If Jessica Biel knew she was going to be under the cameras in an ugly salmon puke fest of a dress, she would ignore her understanding of brides always having to look better than the bridesmaids (but when the bride is hawk-nosed Beverly, that’s a very difficult task indeed) and not bother showing up.

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Jessica Biel fans aren’t subtle

Derek Hail — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 11:37:01 +0000

Dear Old Guy,

I’m sure you pulled alot of women back in your day. I see from the lack of a ring on your finger that you are either divorced or your bachelor life was too awesome to give up. You should however revise your technique on how you check women out, even if they are celebrities. Yes Jessica Biel has a hot ass, but geez man, you might as well have dropped to your knees and wagged your tongue out. You’re a bafoon.

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Jessica Biel is sick

Derek Hail — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:32:01 +0000

Jessica Biel is normally one of the hottest women on the planet, but she looks like she’s infected with some crazy disease here. She just got off a plane so I’ll give her a little leeway. Maybe she’s tired or even feeling a bit under the weather, but if I was working at the airport she would definitely get quarantined…..then felt up. You know, for safety purposes.

Jessica Biel is Pocohantas

Derek Hail — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 12:25:48 +0000

Disney is really kicking their ad campaigns up a notch featuring stars like Jessica Biel, Jennifer Lopez, Gisele, Marc Anthony, and Rachel Weisz dressed up as classic characters. I know it’s Disney but why not show us a little more of Jessica, and why have Gisele in a full nightgown when she’s been wearing only underwear for the past 10 years? C’man Disney!