Janet Jackson’s back on tour. Who knew? It’s her Number Ones tour.

Now, never let it be said I don’t give credit where credit is due. Janet’s body is slammin’. Those tits are works of art, I say.

Yet the shiny costume they’re stuffed into (along with the rest of that HOT body)… I don’t know. Makes me think of aliens or some shit like that.

Regardless, you KNOW every dude in the audience was praying for another “wardrobe malfunction.”

Hell, I’ll throw it out there: Janet, do another one of your virtually naked photoshoots. You’ll look hot. I know it. Let Jennifer Aniston know she isn’t the only hot chick over 40.

Photos by FAME

Damn.  She’s not dead or gravely ill.  Janet Jackson just had a HEADACHE all this time.

Jackson’s publicist said Wednesday she has been suffering from migraine-associated vertigo, which led to her canceling a string of shows. She is being treated for the illness, which is characterized by dizziness, imbalance and other symptoms.

Two words: god damn. One more word: pussy. She’s got her publicist covering for her since last month just because she didn’t want to disclose that she had a headache? That she was dizzy?  If I walked into work after taking a couple of days off and told them it was because my head hurt, they’d beat me over the head with a stapler. Repeatedly. Until that headache returned and I really needed an excuse to call in sick.  Of course, this time around, I would have to also care for the huge dent on the side of my head.

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Janet Jackson seems to be taking a popular trend of being “fashionably late” to an event to a whole new level–she’s not showing up at all.

The kid sister of Michael Jackson postponed yet another concert, set for Monday night, and hasn’t performed at all since her show in Montreal was called off at the last minute on Sept 29.

Jackson was rushed to hospital in Montreal but quickly released and no details have been released on what health issues the singer is suffering from.

You can’t help but admit there is something fishy going on.   What is funny is that she’s making it seem like she’s doing okay by telling people she’s going to perform, and at the last minute being like “oh, well my doctor just said no.”  I know when I’m sick, my doctor tells me right off the bat around how much time i should spend recuperating–He doesn’t just call me right before I drive off to work every morning that maybe I should spend some more time sleeping.  With all these broken promises, I wouldn’t rely too heavily on her supposed rescheduling, in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to find her picture in the newspaper under the headline “Goodnight Sweet Prince(ss).”  I’m just saying.

Those damned nosey journalists and paparazzo’s need to get through her trash quick.  I’m getting impatient.

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Janet Jackson had to cancel her concert in Montreal within hours before she was set to perform after suddenly getting sick.

According to statement released by W&W Public Relations, the singer canceled her concert in Montreal on Monday after she “got suddenly ill” during her sound check and had to be rushed to the hospital just before show time.

The statement says Jackson is being monitored at the hospital and hopes to reschedule the show. No further information was given about Jackson’s condition.

My diagnosis: Janet’s corsets are worn too often and too tight for a chunky monkey like her.  The only people who are truly concerned are the twenty total 55 and older concert attenders that bothered with wasting their time in the first place.  I hope you learned your lesson: not every post-menopause raunchy singer can a Madonna.

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Look out. Janet Jackson has come up with the hair brained idea to release her own lingerie line called “Pleasure Principle.’ Here is some of what she has to say:

“People have come to me with other ideas, but lingerie is a passion for me, and just like music and acting, I can’t do it unless I put 100 percent into it,” Jackson said.

I can see hundreds of people across America buying this lingerie strictly for role play reasons. Men are going to be lying on their mattresses watching their mistresses lip sync to pop music, and before their very eyes their clothes are going to pop off one by one. The rest of the evening will be spent trying to determine if that was actually planned or was an accident. Some of the more cocky ones just for fun might try to sue Janet for injury over the wardrobe malfunction. It’s going to be good times.

I’d post pictures of this old hag, but would anybody really want them? I thought not.

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Janet Jackson was on the Larry King Show and no one noticed, mostly because no one watches it, that Larry did one of the most hilarious things of the year.  He tried to learn how to dance.  I like the part where he yelled “I Don’t Know What I’m Doing!”.

[I tried to embed the player here but gave up after I was thwarted by the internets]

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Jermaine Dupri was recently exposed as a shoe lover. Although he has a love for shoes, he obviously doesn’t own a pair that makes him taller than his girlfriend, Janet Jackson. Janet, who has her love devoted to a mini-man, set her sight set on a 30 million dollar apartment in Manhattan. If she does end up going through with the deal, it will be one of the most expensive apartments ever sold in New York – not the most expensive because Rupert Murdoch spent 44 million dollars on a 19 bedroom apartment on fifth avenue last year.

While Michael Jackson is allegedly broke and living in Ireland, Janet is off flaunting how much money she has. Shouldn’t she send him a care package or at least a cookie (attached to a little boy). Alright, sick joke. Sorry. [source]

Madonna topped Britney Spears‘s world record for highest paid female singer. Britney, who has held the record since 2001, was uprooted and thrown aside because her paltry 38 million could not withstand Madonna’s 50 million dollar onslaught. In another huge upset, Britney Spears was also replaced by Janet Jackson as the most searched for female on the internet.

Madonna has made all this money and she managed to still get a shitty haircut. I’d ask for a refund. Also, although Janet may be the #1 searched for, I still dont want to see her naked. [source]