Hugh Hefner comes forward with his emotions about the devastating break up involving him and Holly Madison.  While he’s torn, our guy definately knows how to move on.

Hefner said Madison learned the pair would never have children or get married six months ago, adding: “The fact that she was depressed after that, I didn’t know at all.

Hefner said he and the three women are committed to a sixth season, but he plans to seek out new live-in lovers. Hefner said 19-year-old Playmate twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon are living in the mansion, but they’re aren’t his girlfriends — yet.

I’m sure this gives reassurance to all those girls out there that the guy they broke up with last weekend is definately stringing up that noose in their living room like they imagine, right?  I’m hearing a little bit of static about Kendra Wilkinson finding her own place and dating other guys too, so i suppose Hef has to definately make sure he gets something more incredibly young and twisted.  What the hell is his secret?!  I bet that smoker jacket of his is lined with crack cocaine.

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Hugh Hefner puts ongoing rumers about him and his sexy gal pals breaking up to rest.  He claims they’re not having relationship problems, but let’s the world know when they get old and ugly they’re still eligible to get the boot…okay, so he puts it in a nicer way.

“Are there going to be changes in the relationships, I’m sure there are going to be,” Hefner said. “I think that in the future, the girls are going to, in time, be dating others and moving out of the mansion, and when that happens we will not be keeping it a secret,” Hefner said.

The godly powers of this man are amazing.  For a fact, I don’t think anyone ever wants to leave the mansion.  Little kids have wet dreams about being in that house, and if I was one of the girls I would be thinking “Hell, I freaking slept and did unspeakable things to this old geezer.  There is no way I’m going to just leave my free meal ticket if I can help it.”  Those girls will continue bleaching their gray hairs blonde and eating carrots and spinach like there’s no tommorrow.

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For all those out there who are devastated over the rumors going around that the Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion is closing for business, I’m here to tell you the good news: it ain’t.

“Absolutely false,” Playboy’s PR director tells E! News of the rumor. “We’re having a huge Halloween party, a New Year’s Eve party…it’s full steam ahead.”

So you know what that means. There is more than enough time to whore yourself into the mansion and live out every jealous guy’s fantasy. You are one bad ass wrinkly guy, Hugh Hefner, you definitely are.

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It was recently Hugh Hefner’s birthday again and what did his imaginary girlfriends get him?  Check this out.

“We gave him chocolate body parts,” Wilkinson said. “We molded our body parts and gave it to him, and he ate them all.

“I molded my ass, so I could call it ‘chocolate starfish,’” she went on. “It was white chocolate, and I put a dark chocolate little thing right in the middle. You’ll see it on the show coming up.”

Isn’t that sweet?  These girls are complete morons.  What the hell do I want a chocolate replica of your asshole for?  You think that’s going to make me feel nice?  Here’s an idea ladies, why don’t you actually have sex with Hugh instead of pretending.  You know these girls aren’t giving it up to him.  It’s just one big facade.  Poor Hugh.

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