Crystal Harris was supposed to marry that old geezer Hugh Hefner on Saturday. She developed some common sense grew a brain changed her mind and called off the wedding at the last minute.

So where does a runaway bride go on her wedding day? VEGAS, baby!

Here’s Crystal at a Wet Republic pool party. You know the dudes there were happy: what better place to meet a hot chick on  the rebound than in Vegas?

Damn the whole “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” bullshit: I wouldn’t mind seeing some pics of Crystal celebrating with guys who can actually still use their dicks.

(It may be terrible to say, but you know it’s true.)

Photos by FAME

It’s fitting that if Hugh Hefner’s ex has to be immortalized somewhere, it would be in Las Vegas.

Holly Madison attended her own handprint ceremony and was even gracious enough to donate a dress from the first season of Girls Next Door (back when she was part of Hef’s harem) to Planet Hollywood Restaurant Forum Shops in Caesars Palace Hotel and Casino. In Vegas, of course.

I say they should have made a bust of those tits. Let’s be honest: that’s what she’s REALLY known for, isn’t it?

I wonder if Hef was invited? Engaged to another chick or not, he should’ve been. Let’s be honest: he built her. He should get to ride her (or her success) as long as his wrinkled old ass wants.

Photos by FAME

Hell, with a body (okay: TITS) like hers, Holly Madison (you know, Hugh Hefner’s ex) damn well should celebrate latex.

Holly teamed up with the UFC clothing line: her line is all latex.

So Damn Fitting.

Well, I wouldn’t mind seeing those tits bound and propped up in latex. Hell, if Holly wore latex in her Vegas show Peepshow, I’d probably go see it.

Actually, since Holly goes topless, I will go see it. Just as soon as I get my ass out to the desert.

Until then, I’ll have to DVR Holly’s World episodes that I can watch on mute while I check out those tits.

Photos by FAME

Here’s one of the Playmate twins (and short-term girlfriend to Hugh Hefner) Karissa Shannon. She chose to get her shapely ass OUT of the Playboy mansion and get a dude who could actually, um, do something. Sam Jones is the lucky-ass bastard who gets to hit that on a regular basis. Wouldn’t mind getting a look at that sex tape.

Wonder how Karissa feels about Hef’s engagement to Crystal Harris, the one out of the trio (after Holly, Kendra, and Bridget left the mansion) who stayed with Hef’s wrinkled old ass. People are acting all surprised about Hef’ engagement, but I’m not. How else is the guy going to get a chick to stay with him at this point?

I’m sure Hef’s lawyers will draft a good prenup. I’m also sure that prenup is going to give Crystal a nice sum. And hell, she’s only 24 years old, so once she gets her freedom back, Crystal will have a nice nest egg for herself.

Wonder if Karissa feels stupid or if Sam is enough to make it all better?

Photos by FAME

Hugh Hefner comes forward with his emotions about the devastating break up involving him and Holly Madison.  While he’s torn, our guy definately knows how to move on.

Hefner said Madison learned the pair would never have children or get married six months ago, adding: “The fact that she was depressed after that, I didn’t know at all.

Hefner said he and the three women are committed to a sixth season, but he plans to seek out new live-in lovers. Hefner said 19-year-old Playmate twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon are living in the mansion, but they’re aren’t his girlfriends — yet.

I’m sure this gives reassurance to all those girls out there that the guy they broke up with last weekend is definately stringing up that noose in their living room like they imagine, right?  I’m hearing a little bit of static about Kendra Wilkinson finding her own place and dating other guys too, so i suppose Hef has to definately make sure he gets something more incredibly young and twisted.  What the hell is his secret?!  I bet that smoker jacket of his is lined with crack cocaine.

Related Articles

Hugh Hefner is Still Open For Business
Pamela Anderson Molests Herself in Front of Hugh Hefner
Hugh Hefner Keeps on Swinging
More Hugh Hefner

Hugh Hefner puts ongoing rumers about him and his sexy gal pals breaking up to rest.  He claims they’re not having relationship problems, but let’s the world know when they get old and ugly they’re still eligible to get the boot…okay, so he puts it in a nicer way.

“Are there going to be changes in the relationships, I’m sure there are going to be,” Hefner said. “I think that in the future, the girls are going to, in time, be dating others and moving out of the mansion, and when that happens we will not be keeping it a secret,” Hefner said.

The godly powers of this man are amazing.  For a fact, I don’t think anyone ever wants to leave the mansion.  Little kids have wet dreams about being in that house, and if I was one of the girls I would be thinking “Hell, I freaking slept and did unspeakable things to this old geezer.  There is no way I’m going to just leave my free meal ticket if I can help it.”  Those girls will continue bleaching their gray hairs blonde and eating carrots and spinach like there’s no tommorrow.

Related Articles

Hugh Hefner Keeps on Swinging
Hugh Hefner and Pamela Anderson
Hugh Hefner is Still Open For Business
More Hugh Hefner

For all those out there who are devastated over the rumors going around that the Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion is closing for business, I’m here to tell you the good news: it ain’t.

“Absolutely false,” Playboy’s PR director tells E! News of the rumor. “We’re having a huge Halloween party, a New Year’s Eve party…it’s full steam ahead.”

So you know what that means. There is more than enough time to whore yourself into the mansion and live out every jealous guy’s fantasy. You are one bad ass wrinkly guy, Hugh Hefner, you definitely are.

Related Articles

Hugh Hefner Turns 80
Hugh Hefner’s Birthday Gifts
Hugh Hefner with Pamela Anderson
More Hugh Hefner

It was recently Hugh Hefner’s birthday again and what did his imaginary girlfriends get him?  Check this out.

“We gave him chocolate body parts,” Wilkinson said. “We molded our body parts and gave it to him, and he ate them all.

“I molded my ass, so I could call it ‘chocolate starfish,’” she went on. “It was white chocolate, and I put a dark chocolate little thing right in the middle. You’ll see it on the show coming up.”

Isn’t that sweet?  These girls are complete morons.  What the hell do I want a chocolate replica of your asshole for?  You think that’s going to make me feel nice?  Here’s an idea ladies, why don’t you actually have sex with Hugh instead of pretending.  You know these girls aren’t giving it up to him.  It’s just one big facade.  Poor Hugh.

Related Articles:
Pam Anderson molests Hugh
Hugh keeps on swinging
More Hugh Hefner News