Heather Mills has officially jumped off the crazy train and landed somewhere on the outskirts of the territory Michael Jackson and Britney Spears have been held prisoner for years.  Holding the torch of the ever annoying PETA, Heather is encouraging ice cream gods Ben and Jerry to substitute its milk of cow with milk of women.

Tracy Reiman, PETA executive vice president, explained: “PETA’s request comes after reports that a Swiss restaurant owner will begin purchasing breast milk from nursing mothers and substituting it for 75 per cent of the cows’ milk in the food that he serves.

The outspoken vegan campaigner [Heather Mills] said: “Why don’t we drink rats’ milk, cats’ milk or dogs’ milk? The startling truth is that animals farmed for meat and dairy are now one of the greatest threats to the planet.

Women as they already are tend to always complain about the sensitivity or soreness of their breasts at times as it is, but imagine because of this they did this ALL THE TIME.  How many women exactly would still be willing to wear tight fitting clothings, or hell, jump up and down for ten minutes straight for a bead necklace?  While this is a scary thought, what’s even scarier are the possible celebrity ice cream flavors.  Would people be just as excited to sample Jessica Alba’s Honey Supple or Angelina Jolie’s Charity Nipple Dew?  I’m almost too afraid to ask.

Related Articles

Heather Mills Donates One Million to Recruit Vegan Children Army
More Heather Mills

For a change, a vegan extended their love out past their furry comrades towards the human race.  Heather Mills donated one million dollars worth of vegan meats towards a childrens’ barbecue– and I note that this must be one of her many acts soon to come in order to develop a race of super vegans.

“My plan is to get healthy food out to kids and to get it in the service industry, get it in retail, make a fast-food chain around the world with healthy options and just keep doing my work behind the scenes,” Mills, 40, told PEOPLE Sunday.

Just in case you were wondering, most the kids that were expected to attend had cancelled to go to a more awesome party featuring whole pigs roasting over a pit and a special event where you got to choose and shoot your own diseased looking hormone pumped cow.  It might have been a good thing too, since we all know that even buying the crappiest vegan food with one mil will get you about ten boca burgers and a salad–suitable diet a model and a porn star would suggest.