Celebrity Gossip by Derek Hail » Eva Longoria

Eva Longoria is Hot to Trot

Tracee — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 15:57:37 +0000

Eva Longoria’s pulling out her big guns- meaning those girls of hers- as she goes around trying to sell us her cookbook.

A chick who can actually cook (something of a rarity these days) is always a plus. And Eva’s on the market since she divorced Tony Parker’s sexting ass.

But I’m suspicious. From what I’ve seen of Eva, she’s one of those scrawny bony chicks. Is this a real rack (like either real-real or silicon) or is this some damn Miracle Bra work (meaning as soon as you get the bra off you learn just how seriously you’ve been misled)?

I must say, I strongly suspect the latter. Look at that smirk in the main pic. But a, say, nude pictorial could persuade me otherwise, Eva.

Photos by FAME

Happy Birthday, Eva Longoria!

Tracee — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 13:00:19 +0000

Eva Longoria celebrated her birthday in Vegas over the weekend.

Check her out. Eva’s bulging beauties say one thing: “I am SINGLE and ready to MINGLE.”

I heard she’s dating Penelope Cruz’s brother, but something tells me he’s just a fling. (Not that that’s a bad thing to be: who the hell would turn down a HOT fling like Eva?)

I also bet Eva’s doing that revenge thing that chicks do to their exes: all of a sudden they flaunt their hotness to let you know what a smokin’ piece of ass you’re missing.

Feel dumb enough about not erasing those damn texts, Tony?

Photos by FAME

Celebs Work It at the MTV EMAs

Tracee — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 16:32:25 +0000

MTV held the European Music Awards (EMAs) in Madrid last night. Celebs turned out in full force.

There are newlyweds Katy Perry and Russell Brand. She’s showing off thoses legs but not a lot of cleavage. Russell damn well better not start making her covered up.

Below you can see Snooki (and her girls) made an attendance (it’s scary to know Jersey Shore is even over in Europe- the Europeans must hate Americans- or at least New Jersey- by now), Eva Longoria, and, of course, Shakira.

I’m sure Shakira treated them to quite a show onstage.

Photos by FAME

No Need for Eva Longoria to be Desperate

Tracee — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 15:20:41 +0000

I know Eva’s already married to a wealthy NBA player on top of being part of a hit show that probably makes her wealthy in her own right, but one thing Eva’s never had is a woman’s body. Seriously. Every time I see her in something revealing, I marvel at how a grown woman can look like she never hit puberty.

Not anymore. Eva actually looks like she has some tits! Real or fake, she’s looking good.

Eva Longoria is a Size 0 Despite Being Fat

thebrokenfarted — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 09:00:49 +0000

Eva Longoria Parker is a big fat liar…or is she? In an interview in Allure’s November issue she talks briefly about her weight.

“I just got rounder,” the Desperate Housewives stars, 33, goes on. “I’m still a size O.”

“I know I’m not pregnant,” Longoria tells Allure once again.

She’s gotten fat…but she’s still skinny. Does this make sense to anyone out there? Is this a woman thing that Al Bundy always referenced to in “Married with Children?” Does this translates to “I spend three hours each day trying to squeeze my fat ass into tight sparkly dresses” or “I wear a size O–O for Obese or Old Oprah?” My head kind of hurts just thinking about it.

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Can Eva Longoria Even Breathe in this Dress?

thebrokenfarted — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:00:50 +0000

Okay, Okay. It seems I made a promise to Eva Longoria not to disclose the fact that formerly alleged preggie now claiming being fatty, is probably trying to offshoot being made fun of during school hours by squeezing her chubby chunks into a size two. Did it work? For her rack, hell yes.

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Eva Longoria is a distraction

Derek Hail — Thu, 15 May 2008 11:50:28 +0000

A cut out of Eva Longoria was hoisted up by fans to distract Tony Parker as he shot free throws in the last playoff game between New Orleans and San Antonio. Tony Parker’s team ended up losing. Could it be Eva Longoria’s fault? Yes. He was probably hearing her whining in his head all game.

Eva Longoria is cheap

Derek Hail — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 11:34:45 +0000

Can you guess what that tattoo says? No, neither can I because Eva Longoria seems to hae gone to the worst tattoo artist on the planet. The tattoo says “NINE”, her husband Tony Parker’s number. It’s probably not finished, but I would guess the artist either suffers from muscle spasms or is a trained baboon.