Someone like Elisha Cuthbert would be on the cover of a magazine wearing seductive clothing and still plead with you not to view her as an object.  I hope whatever it is, it’s pretty damn important, otherwise she’s just making me crane my neck for no reason.

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Elisha Cuthbert is really making the most out of her vacation. She’s looked great, then looked crappy, and now she’s back to looking great. She needs to make up her mind because this back and forth is bad for my penis. He can’t tell if he really wants to have sex with her or he really wants to have sex with her.

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Elisha Cuthbert is back on the beach showing off her flat stomach.  It’s too bad she has a thing for hockey players.

After previous flings with NHL players SEAN AVERY and MIKE KOMISAREK, snappers have caught the 24 star on hols with a THIRD hockey beau star.

The latest lucky chap is DION PHANEUF from the Calgary Flames.

Pretty soon Elisha will have dated several dudes on the same team because they seem to trade hockey players every ten minutes.  That’s it for my knowledge about hockey.  Won’t that be awkward.  They should set that up as a reality show.  I would rather watch 4 hours of “We All Boinked Elisha” than 5 minutes of “Rock of Love”.

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US Magazine is reporting that Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert were seen making out at an LA Club.

Paris Hilton and actress Elisha Cuthbert were “all over each other and making out” at New York’s Tenjune club Tuesday night, a source tells Usmagazine.com.

“Who knew?” says the source of the unlikely pairing.

Hilton, 26, and Cuthbert, 25 (who costarred in 2005′s House of Wax), didn’t arrive at Tenjune together. Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. “It’s Paris,” says the source. “She loves putting on a show.”

This sounds like possibly the fakest story of all time. We all know that Paris is a complete whore, but Elisha seems really stuck up and I doubt she would explore her lesbian tendencies in the middle of an event in LA. In other news, the mere mention of Elisha Cuthbert and lesbian tendencies has caused me to explode in my pants.

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In some of the most unfortunate news of the year, Elisha Cuthbert was spotted shopping with Paris Hilton in L.A. Elisha is no longer that fine, whole-some, young girl who you would bring home to mom. Now, instead, you may want to visit the clinic, or better yet, the incinerator. I’ve never been suicidal, but I would throw my clothes in, along with the rest of myself and I would feel as if I did the world a service.

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Paris Hilton, who I have always thought was a huge slut, has just left me in shock. Instead of targeting old men like her co-star in her sex tape, she is now molesting little children. She obviously can’t pull in the “I like good music” demographic, so she is targeting the little boys because after her new video, “Nothing in this World,” every twelve year old is going to think they have a shot. Sure I realize it is a “Girl Next Door” parody, but honestly, Elisha at least went for someone of age.