Celebrity Gossip by Derek Hail » Avril Lavigne

Avril Lavigne is Too Sexy for Malaysia

thebrokenfarted — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:53:01 +0000

It doesn’t look like Avril Lavigne will be going to Malaysia anytime soon. Avril is scheduled for an East Asian tour starting this month and her first stop is in Malaysia, however Malaysia’s Islamics are claiming that her performance will be, get this, “too sexy.”

“It is considered too sexy for us. … It’s not good for viewers in Malaysia,” said Kamarulzaman Mohamed, a party official. “We don’t want our people, our teenagers, influenced by their performance. We want clean artists, artists that are good role models.”

Well it looks like if they get their way, their teenagers are doomed to another school year getting off on some obscure artist’s shin, or getting it on in a back alley with a goat. I feel sorry for the poor rascals, honestly. There should be a charity where we airdrop issues of Playboy and Penthouse on their asses. I bet then, they wouldn’t mind a Canadian or two singing their heart out on their stage.

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Avril Lavigne goes to the pool

Derek Hail — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 12:20:13 +0000

Why does Avril Lavigne always look pissed off? She’s on vacation in Miami, sipping a drink and she still looks like she wants to fight. She actually manages to look less pissed off than usual here. Maybe it’s the Florida sun, maybe it’s the liquor, or maybe she finally got that bug out of her ass.

Avril Lavigne is Much Smaller than Petra Nemcova

Derek Hail — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 14:40:01 +0000

Avril Lavigne and Petra Nemcova attended the KOI opening in Vegas and they were pictured standing side by side. I’ve always been a fan of both Avril Lavigne and Petra Nemcova, but holy god, Petra is a damn giant. Her face is practically similar in size to Avril’s full torso. As a matter of fact, after further inspection, Petra’s left arm is the same size of Avril Lavigne’s leg. It’s easy to misrepresent a celebrities height in pictures when they are by themselves, but when they are side by side, the comparison is absolutely shocking. I’ve always known Petra was big, but come on now… I wasn’t expecting this.

Avril Lavigne is a Boring French Maid

Derek Hail — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 11:53:23 +0000

One of the main points of Halloween is for girls to dress up like sluts because they can get away with it. A slutty French Maid uniform usually does the trick. However, here is Avril Lavigne in her very own unique version of a French maid uniform and it is a complete disappointment. How are we suppose to stare at Avril with the looming threat of her stomping on our necks with white combat boots? What a bitch… right?

Update: Okay, so I may have misinterpreted Avril Lavigne’s costume, but I did get one thing right. She’s not as whoreish as she could be.

Avril Lavigne Pictures

Derek Hail — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 14:03:33 +0000

Until now, I have never associated “eating ice cream while walking” and “sex,” but in these Avril Lavigne pictures, how could you blame me? She’s hot. She may still think she’s some hardcore punk princess, but I see her for who she really is. She’s cute and cuddly and when she gets mad, I want to pat her on the head. She once said she’s not easily ignored, but here I am ignoring everything she stands for and telling you the only thing that makes her stand out isn’t her tough image, but the fact that she has grown up to be just another typical hot girl walking down the street.

Now, I could make a reference to the way she’s licking that spoon of hers, but that would be too easy.

Avril Lavigne is a Bitch

Derek Hail — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 17:45:30 +0000

In a recent interview with Britain’s Q magazine, Avril Lavigne decided to show off just how big of a stuck up bitch she really is. According to Us Magazine,

On dealing with her incredible success:
“Selling 24 million albums hasn’t really affected me, but it has changed things. I can’t walk into a room full of people any more without everybody turning their heads, and I can only eat in certain restaurants where I know I won’t get hassled. But that’s OK. I was born to do this, and so I’ve learned how to cope.”

On her competition:
“Someone like Kelly Clarkson is beautiful and has a pretty voice, but with me you get a much stronger image. I’m tough, I have a look that girls want to copy, and I sound a particular way. It’s good if you’re not easily ignored. And I’m not.”

On her generosity:
“I am a very giving person. When the hurricane thing happened, I went to my closet, filled six boxes of stuff and said to my assistant, ‘Take it to Katrina!’ I also like to give stuff to people who are my ‘workers,’ especially if they don’t make much money.”

Avril Lavigne is worth millions of dollars and all she did was give a box of her old crap to the Hurricane victims? I mean, it’s a nice gesture, but bragging about it? Come on. It’s not like she donated her house or her left ovary. She gave her shit she didn’t wear anymore to a bunch of people in need. I fail to see the good nature in those actions.

And just because you can see Avril Lavigne’s bra in these pictures doesn’t mean I like her as a person.

Avril Lavigne in Seventeen Magazine is boring, fully-clothed

Derek Hail — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 15:16:20 +0000

What is the point of Seventeen magazine? Do teenie bopper girls really enjoy looking at pictures of female celebrities, fully clothed, in various positions? I mean, I may not be an expert, but when I was seventeen, if the girl wasn’t naked, I was thinking about what she looked like naked. However, I guess I’m not a teenage girl feeling victimized by all my player, pimply-faced boyfriends. Instead, I’m a mid-twenties straight man who writes celebrity gossip all day.

Back to the topic at hand, in these pictures, Avril Lavigne actually looks somewhat sexy. I say somewhat because once again, she isn’t naked and these pictures were targeted for 17 year old girls or 17 year old boys trying to get into a 17 year old girl’s pants. Ah, whatever, look at the pictures already.

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Avril Lavigne at Maxim Hot 100 Party

Derek Hail — Thu, 17 May 2007 15:17:17 +0000

While these latest pictures of Avril Lavigne are no where near as sexy as her topless pictures, she is wearing a black chain around her neck and could most definitely kick your ass. As a matter of fact, I’d let her kick my ass as long as I could wear that black chain and she stripped off all of her clothing.

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