Audrina Patridge is vacationing in Cabo. Cabo, as in Cabo San Lucas, as in damn expensive Mexico vacation hot spot that’s popular with celebs.

And this reality TV starlet actually has the cash to vacation there. Or get some wealthy dude to take her there.

Let’s face it: a vacation with Audrina (and those tits) would be worth the expense of flying her there and even feeding the half-a-meal-a-day she probably eats.

I’m sure Audrina would give you MORE than your money’s worth in return. Hell, the view is just for starters…

Photos by FAME

Audrina Patridge is back, showing off that body in a shiny little silver dress. (Although I have to ask: what happened to those luscious tits we saw in the Burger King ads? This damn well better just be an unflattering dress.)

She’s filming her own new reality TV show, so the end of The Hills wasn’t the end of her career. Do you care about Audrina’s life enough to watch her live it out on the small screen (i.e., TV)?

I’m not sure. If Audrina spends a lot of time at the beach, or perhaps decides to do some nude pictorials and invites the cameras in to watch the shoot, then HELL YEAH I’m tuning in.

Even if I have to DVR that shit and watch the footage on mute.

Photos by FAME

Two pretty hot chicks standing together on the red carpet invites the inevitable question: who’d you rather do, reality TV fixture Audrina Patridge or The Watchmen star Malin Ackerman?

This is a VERY tough call. First I think Malin: she’s the true star, after all. And seeing her sex scene in The Watchmen showed just how hot this chick is. Not to mention that tight latex costume…

Then I remember Audrina taking a bite into Burger King’s Carl Jr hamburger with that well-filled-out bikini top and my mouth starts watering (but not for the burger).

There’s only one acceptable solution. THREESOME!

Photos by FAME

Audrina Patridge decided to make the streets of Hollywood her own personal catwalk. Guess she has to do something now that The Hills is over.

Her boredom won’t last for long, though. She’s competing on Dancing with the Stars this season. And I have to say, I’m really looking forward to seeing her in those skimpy little dresses they put the chicks in. That’ll be worth DVRing the show alone, not to mention getting to see her shake her ass.

She may not be another Shakira, but let’s be honest, as long as I can practically see her tits and ass, I’m not really gonna care.

Photos by FAME

The horny smart people at Burger King know what they’re doing. Hell, I want to go get a Carl Jr. burger right now. Actually, scratch that. I want to BE a Carl Jr. burger right now. Well, I want to be the burger that’s in Audrina Patridge’s mouth.

If she spills anything out of that juicy burger onto herself, I’d be happy to lick it up for her. Or eat the burger off her stomach. While she’s still lying there, of course.

Forget Lauren Conrad and Kristin Cavallari: The Hills doesn’t need them! Have Audrina Patridge go play down at the beach (you know those jobs on the show aren’t real anyway), and I might actually tune in every once in a while.

Or at least DVR it so I can get the screen captures later.

Better yet, have a Hills special and send Audrina to the south of France where they sunbathe topless. It’s a crime to cover her girls up.

Heidi and Spencer Pratt have been giving NBC hell as celebrity participants on their new realty TV show ‘I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!’ and have quit and rejoined the cast twice already.  Their erratic, and humorous, behavior has made the network consider replacing them with such people as Heidi’s sister and even Audrina Patridge.

What does Audrina’s agent have to say about this?  Essentially: Hell.  No.

After we got word that NBC’s jungle reality show would be replacing Heidi and Spencer, …we started calling around — and the answer we got from Audrina Patridge’s manager was priceless:

“Not in a million years. Audrina is moving in a completely different direction than those two … she’s a star.”

Yeah, watch out Hollywood.  This week she was seen at the premiere of the Hangover.  Not sure if she was doing a promotional stunt with alcohol, but for this go around they let her stand on a piece of the red carpet and take a picture with a poster of a real celebrity!

So what can we all learn from this?

Spencer just told TMZ, “Heads up, Audrina. Just because you have a one night stand with a guy who’s in a movie called ‘Star Trek’ doesn’t make you a star. You’re just a ho.”

In case that didn’t register, he said, “You’re just a ho.” We have to say, not very Christian from a guy who just got baptized by Stephen Baldwin.

And let the fighting begin!

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