Here’s Angelina Jolie supporting her man, Brad Pitt, at the premiere of his movie Tree of Life at Cannes.

The question: does the hint of thigh Angelina flashes in that big dress make you, um, stand up at attention?

Once upon a time it would have. Back when Angelina was still SEXY.

Now that she’s become a walking scarecrow? Uh, not so much.

I mean, did you see Angelina in Salt?  I t hink the EW reviewer of Salt put it best:

She still retains a hint of sensuality in those satin-pillow lips, only now that famous feature is set off by a body so uncurvaceously skinny that her entire physique seems to have been stripped down for action.

Brad Pitt: FEED this chick!

Photos by FAME

When I first saw these pictures, I thought I’d had the wonderful fortune to stumble on the hottest photoshoot Angelina Jolie’s done in years. The I could’ve sworn The Tourist star Angelina Jolie has a long-lost sister: hell, maybe even a twin, judging from these pics.

But no, this is just one lucky ass chick who should cash in on her eerie resemblance to the biggest Hollywood actress on the planet right now.

This is Tatyana Vorzheva, and yes, she might as well just say “I’m Angelina Jolie with tits,” because that’s EXACTLY how she looks.

And you have to admit, Tatyana has one gorgeous pair of tits. Better than Angelina’s. I bet Brad Pitt enjoys these pictures when Angelina’s traveling somewhere. Tatyana is probably his dream chick.

Shhh… it’ll be our secret, Brad.

When I think of Russian chicks, I think of tall, leggy blonde chicks who are tough-as-nails. Like, might as well have their own pair of balls tough.

Angelina’s close enough to be appealing to the Russians, I guess. Here she is posing for Glamour Russia. Notice with the exception of the tiniest hint of cleavage, Angelina’s not even showing any skin.

Just the suggestion of lots of skin.

I’m no fool. I know that typically means there’s nothing to show. Hell, Angelina looks like she’s in her mid-40s in The Tourist (her new movie with Johnny Depp), which is about a decade older than her real age.

Brad Pitt, do the right thing: get your lady a pizza or something.

Is The Tourist flopping as badly in Europe as it did here in the States? I’m guessing so if Angelina Jolie actually had to show off her tits on the red carpet.

Well, at least we can remember how sexy this scarecrow USED to be. Is this the Brad Pitt curse? Jennifer Aniston was super skinny when she was with him, Gwyneth Paltrow used to be little more than a stick, and now Angelina is aging herself by 20 years with her skinniness.

Angelina here is working what she’s got for all it’s worth at The Tourist premiere in Madrid. Maybe the movie is more bearable with subtitles.

Photos by FAME

Cleavage? Check. Ass? Yeah, I guess. Legs? Well, nice calves.

Angelina Jolie’s working it for the Berlin premiere of The Tourist. And Brad Pitt is on hand. Don’t blame him for keeping an eye on things, even though Brad could easily kick Johnny Depp’s ass if Johnny stepped out of line.

I’ve heard Angelina seduces Johnny in The Tourist (well, her character seduces his character- you know what I mean). Even THAT hasn’t gotten people to go see it in the theater.

Actually, I get why. Look at Angelina: chick is one step away from a walking skeleton. That was painfully obvious in Salt. Oh well.

Photos by FAME

Here’s Angelina Jolie, working her skinny body for all it’s worth at the premiere of The Tourist, her new movie with Johnny Depp.

I look at these pictures and have to admit, I’m shocked when I think that Angelina is only 35 years old. She looks like she’s 40, easy. What is it with Brad Pitt and these bony ass chicks? Eat a sandwich- or 10, Angie!

Angelina’s got a nice rack on display, but hell, I saw Salt, so I know those tits aren’t real. Those miracle bras can be really misleading.

But I have to give it to her: Angelina’s holding up well. So the hell what that Chelsea Handler (a pal of Jennifer Aniston’s) recently called her a “homewrecker“? Angelina’s not gonna hide. She didn’t talk to the press, either, but she didn’t hide.

Gotta give her credit for that.

Photos by FAME

I mean, look at the chick. Angelina Jolie looks like a sack of bones in a dress. I can’t believe she has any tits to speak of.

What the hell happened to her? Has she spent too much time running around after kids to eat a meal or something?

Brad Pitt needs to feed her a thick, juicy steak. Or ten. I noticed her skinniness in Salt, too. It was seriously hard to believe she could kick ass: a good stiff breeze would knock her right on her bony ass.

I say this as a fan, Angie. Get your damn curves back. Tits look far better than bony elbows. Seriously.

As I once heard a jazz singer say, “Don’t noboby want a bone but a dog.”

Photos by FAME

Here’s Angelina Jolie at the premiere of her new movie, Salt. You KNOW she kicks ass in this action movie (she’s a spy who may be a double-agent who has to prove her innocence or something like that).

Yet Angelina can still rock the little black dress. (Jennifer who?)

I’d rather a little more cleavage action, but hey, the legs are pretty damn great, aren’t they?

And you know Angelina flexed her muscles to get Brad Pitt to finally shave his damn face. Hell, she probably just tied him down  to the bed. He probably got a kick out of it, too.

Wouldn’t you enjoy having Angelina tie YOU down so she could have her way with you?

(Okay, it’d probably be better if she lost the razor. Still.)

Photos by Fame Pictures