Katy Perry’s Tips to Halloween Success

For those of you who are asking, this is dedicated to you:

Dear Derek Hail,

how do you have a successful Halloween party?

Sincerely,

Some Nobody without Friends

Dear Nobody,

That’s an easy question.  First of all, to ensure triple success, be born in October.  Why? Because you’ll have people in the spirit to want to attend–and actually feel excited about it, because it’s the only time of the year everyone can dress in drag and not get teased too hard about it.  Step two, be Katy Perry–it doesn’t hurt to be known as one of the girls that makes out with other girls at parties or who dives face first into a whopping pile of cake.  Also, when you’re famous, you get better gifts.  Need more proof?

Inside, the more than 200 guests, including Josh Groban and Cisco Adler, were treated to a game of bobbing for body parts, a coffin photo booth and an execution chamber. Perry’s cake was in the shape of—what else?—a dead body.

Among her gifts was a 10-karat Rosette Button pendent with rubies and diamonds from famed jeweler Pascal Mouawad.

There you have it.  You’re either Katy dressed as Steve McQueen and are receiving pricey gifts at a birthday disguised as a hip Halloween party or you’re destined to fail and spiral down into the bottomless pit of mediocrity.  I hope that helps, Nobody!

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