Kim Kardashian May Lose Her Greatest Asset

Kim Kardashian is telling the press to kiss her big fat booty goodbye. After she realized that more people recognize her from behind than any other angle, she’s considering jumping on the bandwagon and losing a few pounds.

“I’m on this major kick to try and lose weight, especially in my butt,” she told Radar. “When you’re posing on the red carpet and the paparazzi shout, ‘Turn around! Turn around!’ — it gets a little offensive.”

A memorial service to celebrate the life of an incredible ass is scheduled to commence this weekend around five. It is encouraged that all those in attendance bring really large paddles.

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