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Matthew McConaughey to Make Placenta Trees

August 11, 2008

Matthew McConaughey, loving father, finally decides what to do to commemorate the birth of his son: plant a tree…a placenta tree.

“It’s going to be in the orchards and it’s going to bear some wonderful fruit,” he says, according to an interview transcript. “When I was in Australia, they had a placenta tree that was on the river … and all the placentas of all that tribe, all that clan, whatever aboriginal tribe that was, all the placentas went under that one tree and it was this huge behemoth of just health and strength.

It’s nice that McConaughey is finally picking up a new, healthy hobby for his creepy guy tendencies. Scraping up placenta from hospital dumpsters and throwing it on trees…just like the aborigines. I bet if he looked farther into that culture, he might have discovered that that tree came to life every twenty years hungry, and in order to quench its insatiable appetite, they actually had to feed to it the children they’ve made him take a liking to. All the while, they sing and lament about the woes of being a Jewis…Aboriginal flower store keeper. That’s just something to think about.

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