Jennifer Aniston Smart Water Ads are a Complete Joke

Branding campaigns for products have always confused me and these Jennifer Aniston Smart Water ads aren’t any different. At first glance I thought, “Perfect! Water that enlarges breasts. And at $1.99 a bottle, what a complete steal.” Unfortunately, what we really have is some company talking about the importance of their water and why it warrants an astronomical price. According to Splash Magazine,

The self proclaimed “purest form of water you can drink” title doesn’t appear to come easily. It is developed through a stimulation of the hydrologic cycle- the process by which all fresh water in nature is developed. It is evaporated, molecularly separated and then condensed through vapor distillation, which removes what you don’t want- dissolved solids, heavy inorganic materials and other elements typically found in spring water.

I’m really proud to see Jennifer Aniston representing a company that molecularly separates water then is responsible for condensing it through vapor distillation. I have no idea what the hell that means, but I’m pretty sure it’s dangerous and has something to do with biological weapons. I may not be a Scientist, but would you drink water without “dissolved solids?” Fuck no. That’s the best part.