Paris Hilton’s Medical Condition Releases Her from Jail

After extensive examination by doctors, it has been determined that Paris Hilton is medically unfit to serve time in jail and will be issued an alternative sentence where she remains under house arrest for forty days beginning today.

This isn’t the god-damn carnival, where some pregnant woman is attempting to get on a roller-coaster. This is jail. She should have been locked up for her failure to abide by the rules of her probation. I mean, as far as I’m concerned, pissing yourself in fear isn’t a disease or a medical problem. It’s called being a bitch. Now I’m not claiming Paris Hilton wet herself because that is cruel and unusual, but if she did, it definitely isn’t a medical excuse.

Check out TMZ for the PDF version of the press release

Related Articles:

Paris Hilton Locked Up: Will inmates follow through with threats?
Paris Hilton rewarded for attending court
Paris Hilton to only receive three weeks
More Paris Hilton