Sandra Bullock’s Secret to Success: Mind Blowing Sex

Sandra Bullock, while accepting an award at the Hollywood Film Festival, exposed her secret to success. Before you jump to outrageous conclusions and assume she said hard work and dedication, I’ll cut you off and tell you you’re wrong. Her secret to success is absolutely great sex and ass cream. According to the Chronicle,

“You inspire me with the good loving you give me every day - and especially last night! Really. you have no idea.

“My favourite beauty pageant secret? I didn’t realise that putting hemorrhoid ointment on your face is acceptable in the beauty business. But apparently butt cream does help lines around the eyes.”

Sandra Bullock has always looked like someone sat on the side of her face, which must be how she applied the hemorrhoid cream. “Hey honey, put on your cream and sit on my face. I need to fix my wrinkles.”